Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
