1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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