He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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