you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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