Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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