Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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