im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
