i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
