You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
