Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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