sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
no you cant smoke seaweed
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
