Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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