And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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