She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We are two peas in an std pod
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize