i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
