i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
