i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
