So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
