just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
