Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
