Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
