i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize