u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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