Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
