im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
