I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
