we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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