This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
