WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
