I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
