My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
