sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize