I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize