Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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