im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
