i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
