If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize