All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
