You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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