Non-Jews are for practice
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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