We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
