i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
