Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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