He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
