rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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