I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
