My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
