I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I understand Curling. That high.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
