Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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