Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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