Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
