whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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