Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
