Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
