How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
