my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
zippers are such a cool invention
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
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