census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
