the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
