you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
