He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize