Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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