High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
