did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
