Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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