My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
