Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
