she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
