so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
