i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
