What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
