matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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