walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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