just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
