im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
