That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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