thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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