I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize