What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
