these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
