i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
