If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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