no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
