It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize