I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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