So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
