I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
