I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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