im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
