Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
