they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Randomize
