im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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