dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
